“Having a cancer diagnosis and going through treatment doesn’t mean you have to give up on enjoying pleasurable sex” according to Samantha Evans (aka the Lube Queen!), a sexual health and pleasure expert with a professional background in nursing, and co-founder of Jo Divine, an online sex toy company.
“Understanding what is happening to your body, including any sexual changes, talking to partners, exploring different ways to enjoy sex, including using lubricants and sex toys, can all help you to enjoy good sexual health and pleasurable sex, solo or with a partner.’’
Take Your Time
Getting back to sex after treatment or surgery is a gradual process that cannot be rushed. Going at your own pace is so important, especially when you feel fatigued. There may be certain times of the day when you feel less tired to enjoy a cuddle, or simple intimate play, and there are many ways to enjoy sexual intimacy, including kissing, cuddling, intimate touch, massage, mutual masturbation, reading erotica, watching films or listening to audio porn. If you continue to struggle, talking to a psychosexual therapist can be really helpful.
Communication
In any relationship, communication is key to success. It is not always easy to talk about sex, especially if you never have, but finding the right environment for both of you is essential. You need to consider how you share sexual pleasure and what has changed within your relationship.
Research suggests that couples can enjoy more intimacy post-treatment because they communicate and explore new ways to enjoy sexual pleasure together. This is why it is important to tell each other what feels good and what is uncomfortable or painful, make noise when it feels good, adapt the way in which you wish to be touched and where, try new positions, use pillows, and cushions to get comfortable and most of all, have fun.
Physical changes to your body
Physical changes that occur following treatment include vaginal dryness and tightness, and post-op scarring, which can make sex feel painful. Decreased sexual sensation may impact upon your ability to enjoy an orgasm or become aroused, and low libido or the impact of menopause and hormonal treatment can be contributing factors.
Ingredients matter When it comes to your intimate health and sexual pleasure, it is so important to use irritant-free vaginal moisturisers and sexual lubricants, especially post-treatment. Many products contain irritating ingredients, including glycerin, propylene glycol, parabens, dyes, perfume, alcohol, even glitter! So be an ingredients detective and always check the label. Ask your GP what the ingredients are if they prescribe a moisturiser or lubricant, as some products on prescription contain irritating ingredients.
Which moisturiser should I use, there are so many?
Moisturising your vulva and vagina can help you to feel more comfortable, and lead to more pleasurable sex. Use a good irritant-free vaginal moisturiser such as YESVM or Sutil Luxe, created with skin-safe irritant-free ingredients that nourish and moisturise the delicate tissues of your vulva and vagina, so they become more flexible, lubricated and comfortable. Only wash your vulva with water, no one needs an intimate wash!
Which Lube should I use, there are so many?
Using an irritant-free lubricant can transform your sexual pleasure and ease vaginal dryness. As with vaginal moisturisers, check the ingredients as many lubricants contain glycerin and propylene glycol, both of which are well-known irritants and can cause thrush – often more prevalent post-treatment. This is why we recommend YES organic lubricants, Sutil Luxe, and Sutil Rich.
Water-based lubricants YES water-based lubricants, Sutil Luxe and Sutil Rich, are all long-lasting water-based lubricants (Sutil can also be used as moisturiser) and ideal for any sex play, with any sex toy material and are condom-compatible. Sutil Luxe is a longer-lasting lubricant that interacts with your own natural lubrication, feels natural and not intrusive. Sutil Rich is a thicker formulation, ideal for both vaginal and anal play.
Oil based lubricants YES oil-based lubricant is great for longer lasting play but like any oil-based product it is not latex condom compatible.
Silicone-based lubricants Some people prefer silicone lubricants which are longer lasting; however, they do not nourish the tissues of the vulva and vagina, they just sit on the surface of the tissues, and they are not suitable for use with silicone sex toys.
Ultimately, it is all about finding what works for you, so do your research because some lubes are much better for your sexual health and pleasure.
Sex Toys are fun!
Sex toys are a great way to regain your sexual function and reclaim your sex life. Whether you’ve got a drawer full of toys or a complete novice, there are toys that can help you to overcome vaginal tightness, post-op scarring, or decreased sexual sensation. Sex toys are great for solo play or with a partner. Many are waterproof too, so perfect for relaxing in the bath.
It is important to use sex toys made from skin-safe materials, not jelly, latex or rubber which are absorbent, difficult to clean, leach out chemicals, and degrade over time.
Written by: Samantha Evans, co-founder of JoDivine, works with healthcare professionals in the NHS and private practice to help them advise their patients about regaining sexual function and enjoying sexual intimacy and pleasure through the use of suitable skin-safe sex toys, silicone dilators, and irritant-free sexual lubricants. JoDivine has many practical sexual health and pleasure articles about cancer and sex on their blog with advice, tips and product recommendations, in addition to a health brochure containing products designed for people with a vulva and vagina.
https://www.jodivine.com/blogs/sexual-health/jo-divine-health-brochure
